Coldplay, National Treasures Or A National Joke

They’ve won 9 Brit awards and 7 Grammy awards, have 80 million sales worldwide. They’ve headlined Coachella and Glastonbury festival. Simply outstanding stats. So the question remains, why is it so many people hate Coldplay?

Any other Brit puts up these numbers and they are considered a national treasure, but when it comes to Coldplay it’s negative after negative, is it really warranted? What did Chris Martin and the gang do wrong? Obviously somebody must have bought the albums, and bought tickets to the gigs.

People think record sales mean that Coldplay are one of the best, but do you know who else sold 80 million? FLO RIDA. ‘The Macarena’ has been sold as a single more than any of Coldplay’s 42 singles. Other bigger selling singles have come from Avril Lavigne, PSY, OMI and Iggy Azela, I’m not knocking the numbers they’ve sold I’m just saying that numbers don’t always equate to talent.

Ask your peers which bands are national treasures. You’ll hear a lot of bands thrown into the mix, The Beatles, The Sex Pistols, The Stone Roses, Oasis, Blur, Arctic Monkeys and JLS, you will not hear one single mention of Coldplay.  I’ve got to admit it, I hate Coldplay with a passion. This is a band with 7 studio albums and have released 42 singles. Of those 42 singles I can think of no more than 3 I actually like, and I wouldn’t rate any of the albums above a 6.5 out of 10. This band just oozes mediocrity for me, and I speak for many when I say that I just cannot enjoy Coldplay. For all of their talent, all of the sales, all of the awards, all of the gigs, Coldplay, one of the biggest bands in the world, are more of a national joke than a treasure. If we touch back on the mediocrity thing I think I can get to the bottom of why the majority of people hate Coldplay.

There is such talent in this band, but this isn’t put across with personality and promotion, and it’s almost never put across with production and singing. Everything about this band just stinks, it’s the kind of band you skip when you’ve got a playlist on shuffle. The lead singer of the group, Chris Martin, has about as much charisma as a bowl of muesli, he is simply piss wet lettuce. Chris Martin is the kind of person who goes for a Tesco meal deal and picks a ham sandwich, ready salted crisps and a bottle of water. What’s even worse is that very meal deal is more exciting than every project Coldplay have ever worked on. Chris Martin was the kid that always reminded the teacher about the homework nobody else had done. Chris Martin made up a stupid word that meant he believed in everything and when his girlfriend split up with him he stopped being a vegetarian because of the stress, this last sentence isn’t even a lie which makes it a million times worse.

I just cannot fathom how anybody enjoys this, below par, boring, beige, bland group. Yes they sold some albums and yes they are massively successful, but their time was up when we entered the 2010’s. I think I speak for the majority of teens when I say that Coldplay are no national treasure, but is a national joke a bit too harsh? In ways yes and in ways no. It’s hard to call a band who have the accolades they do a joke, but when you look at the bigger picture nobody wants to grow up and be in a band like Coldplay, they haven’t exactly reached the heights of the worlds most inspiring, industry changing bands. In 30 years time when people are still seshing to ‘Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor’ and ‘Twist And Shout’, Coldplay won’t even be an afterthought.

In conclusion, no matter how many albums Coldplay sell they’ll always be a ‘meh’ kind of band who I’ll always treat as a meme rather than credible artists.


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